I sometimes spend too much time on Twitter. Occasionally, I’m drawn into political debates. One such perennial argument is over the nature of the conflict between China and Taiwan. I thought, as the child of parents who came from Taiwan, and who’s wife is a loyal Chinese national, I would write down what I think about the whole situation.

My grandparents on my dad’s side come from China. They originally were from Changsha in Hunan province. They left when the Communists took over, eventually joining the Kuomintang or Nationalists in Taiwan. Legend has it that my grandfather smuggled gold for the bank he worked for from Shanghai to Taiwan. To my family on my dad’s side, Taiwan is the Republic of China, and they are Chinese.

My grandparent’s on my mom’s side grew up in Taiwan. They lived through the Japanese occupation, and my grandmother was fluent in both the local Taiwanese dialect and Japanese, but not Mandarin. To my family on my mom’s side, Taiwan is Taiwan, and they are Taiwanese.

The complexity of the situation is that the current government of Taiwan, the Republic of China, was founded by the losing side of the Chinese Civil War, a war that never technically ended, but merely became a frozen conflict. Unlike the Korean War, there isn’t even an armistice between the two factions. The war simply petered out over decades, and in theory is legally still a thing.

At the same time, Taiwan, despite this precarious situation, eventually became a liberal democracy and is a defacto sovereign state, with its own military and flag, albeit one that comes historically from the Republic of China that once governed the mainland. The people of Taiwan, despite being mostly Han Chinese in ethnicity, have lived apart from China proper for so many decades as to have developed a distinct culture and society, almost a distinct nationality even.

China and many Chinese nationals downplay this evolution. They still see Taiwan as unfinished business from the Civil War. There are clearly ties between China and Taiwan, such as the fact that most Taiwanese can speak Mandarin, thanks to decades of education by the Kuomintang to that effect. The museums of Taipei are also filled with priceless historical artifacts from the Chinese mainland, taken with the Kuomintang when they left, and effectively saved from the Cultural Revolution.

And yet, many people in Taiwan don’t see themselves as Chinese. Especially the younger generations have lived their entire lives apart from the mainland. In the process, the cultures have diverged subtly and meaningfully.

So, I understand both sides of this debate. Chinese nationalists see the historical antecedents, while many self-proclaimed Taiwanese see the defacto separation of cultures. I don’t want to say who is right in this, because in some sense they both have a claim to their concerns, and I find it annoying when foreigners, like Americans decide to interject their own assumptions into the fold.

While it’s true that Taiwan was never formally a part of the People’s Republic of China, mainland China was for 37 years the major part of the Republic of China. To ignore that Taiwan is still officially the Republic of China is to ignore reality. At the same time, to ignore that Taiwan is a defacto sovereign state, is also to ignore reality.

In an ideal world, whether people would join or separate from each other would be based on freedom of association and the right to self-determination. That would likely entail some kind of referendum on the question. But the reality is that most sovereign states other than the old Soviet Union, do not allow referenda on separation, or integration for that matter.

The reality is that most sovereign states are still built on the right of conquest. In a better world people could vote on whether to join another country or leave, but that’s not the world we seem to live in, yet. And so we have China trying to maintain what it sees as its territorial integrity, and we have Taiwan trying to exist as its own thing.

So, to me, the China and Taiwan situation is complex, and any attempt to simplify it is frequently either biased, or playing into the hands of propagandists or the agendas of national interest, whether Chinese or American. And at the end of the day, it is the people of Taiwan who are at risk of suffering for it.