August wasn’t a great month. I developed a problematic medical condition. Then, the toddler got sick and needed to stay home for a while. Then, at the end of a vacation, the car broke down and forced a long tow.
September was a relative reprieve. Things were normal, except my mindset wasn’t great. I wasted a lot of time and didn’t get things done that weren’t immediately urgent.
October so far saw a recurrence of the medical condition.
At times like this, I don’t think about the absurd stuff I sometimes post here about. More mundane matters invade my life and I forget for a while my other concerns. The thoughts come and go. Life interrupts.
I’m getting older now. I need to pay more attention to my health, something I’ve often neglected in the past in favour of the pursuit of silly things.
I’ve sacrificed a lot for my family. So has my wife. I didn’t realize before how just how difficult it can be to have a child, the sheer responsibilities that pile up, the work that needs to be done, with no break. It’s the consequences of the choice we made, so I shouldn’t regret it. The toddler remains incredibly cute.
I wish I could be better than this. I wish I could rise to the occasion and be a good father and husband and son. But I feel like I’m just treading water. I’m doing okay, but not great.
My career is, if not dead, at least on pause while things get sorted out a bit. The toddler will probably get sick a lot during the winter, so the plan is to take it easy on the job search front. For all intents and purposes, I’m a househusband right now.
In this modern age of equality, I shouldn’t feel unhappy at being a househusband. But in some sense, I feel like I’m wasting what potential I had. That these past three years have had a tremendous opportunity cost to the career I could, in theory, have had.
Though, realistically, the grass is always greener on the other side. I don’t know the counterfactual. It could easily have been that I briefly got something, and then would get laid off anyway in the mass of tech layoffs recently, or something like that.
Family should come before career. At least, that’s my choice.
I made my choices. I have to accept the consequences. No looking back. I need to focus on the present and future. Enjoy the moment. Prepare for what’s next.
At least these physical health things distract somewhat from the mental health stuff. Sorta. Not really. I still need work on that side too. It’s a long running thing. Some months are better than others.
Where am I going with this? I guess I’m just venting again. This blog is so obscure that I doubt anyone at all reads it. The only comments I seem to get are all spam.
(Sidenote: I finally got around to activating the spam filter, so now I don’t have a million spam comments up for review. I did see a comment that could be not spam, but I’m not sure.)
The struggles of an average Joe. I suppose that’s me.
I’m not sure what the point of this all is. Is life a test? Is it just a bunch of stuff that happens? I tried going to church again recently. I don’t feel like it did much.
I feel like, if the powers that be are real, they’re distant. The coincidences seem to have subsided. I’m left with mundane problems and mundane concerns. Of course, that’s always been the case. I just hoped for something foolish, as always.
Words can hurt people, including, especially, people close to you. I sometimes forget this. I sometimes make incredibly dumb mistakes still. My judgment remains mediocre. I sometimes forget to be kind.
In my heart, I wish for many things. Reality though, mostly doesn’t care. There are more important things than what some random individual on Earth, in a sea of billions, wants for themselves.
At my last birthday dinner, I wished for world peace. How cliche right?
The world continues to turn. Life goes on until it doesn’t. Enjoy the ride while you can. Things have a way of surprising you, both in good and bad. So, sometimes, it is enough to just survive.